Adoption

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what this post should be about it. It didn’t hit me until a couple of hours ago what I really wanted to address before I go any further into this blog.

Adoption.

Let me start out by saying we have always wanted to adopt. Early on in our marriage before we even knew that we were infertile we had decided that we wanted to adopt 1-2 children or more if it felt right.

I can’t tell you how many times I have been told “you can still adopt” like it was the same thing. I personally feel that it’s a totally different mind set. Just because you can’t physically have a child does not mean that you are emotionally ready to adopt. I’m not quite 25 and I’m still considered in my childbearing years. Not like that counts for everyone - myself included. I haven’t given up that I can carry a child once again.

Why should I?

Imagine if someone calls you up and tells you judging by a test that was taken you and your husband can not have any more children. Your only option is a donor or adoption. The way that particular nurse handled that situation was crappy. No other way to put it. Of course the day I was told this I was an emotional wreck, and it happened to be on a holiday so I definitely won’t be forgetting the date. At that moment I had no hope. I cried for hours on the bed. I just wanted to give up on everything and sleep all day. My toddler quickly reminded me that I still have responsibilities and I need to get up and hand him a cracker.

Then I turned on my computer and searched. I researched everything I could find on this matter and prayed for some answers. I did find some. My hope slowly came back.

A few days after that phone call I had this feeling, almost like a lightning bolt hitting me in the face.

I can’t give up.

I consider myself a Christian.

Forgiven.

I have struggled over the past year with the loss of my brother , my grandmother 3 mths later, and then this. It’s hard not being angry. Some days are better than others. Sometimes I feel like I’m being tested, but if you knew how much crazy stuff that has happened in my past and somehow it’s always worked out, you would feel the same.

Now back to my story - a lightning bolt. It was as if I could see myself holding a baby that I gave birth to again. Whether that was just hopeful thinking or something more it was enough to tell myself this is not where it ends.

Jake visited a male infertility specialist in Dallas a couple of months ago and is currently being treated. Now we don’t know if it will work. His doctor seems hopeful and has been named one of the top doctors of his field for the past 10 years. I trust him and now we are in the waiting game.

We are doing what we feel is right for us. I do not view adoption as giving up so let me clarify on that. We just are not emotionally, financially, mentally ready for that stage in our life. I pray that God blesses us on this journey and that when the time comes we will know.